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1.
IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
In my mother's uterus....I had some of the best times of
my life in that old, roach filled place....hell, now that
I think of it, those roaches were probably crabs or pubic
lice. Wait, is pubic lice crabs?
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE
OF CLOTHING?
My Motley Crue head band that I bought in the parking lot
of a sold out Hara Arena Crue concert in Dayton, Ohio back
in 1985. We didn't get in but I got to see long hairs vomiting
on each other in the lot.
3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF
THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Their Slip 'n' Slides
4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU
BOUGHT?
The last CD I bought was a tape called 'Forever Friends'
by Chris Burke and twin guitarists Joe and John Demasi.
Better known as Corky from Life Goes On, Chris Burke continues
supplying his positive message for those afflicted with
'Up' Syndrome and for general music lovers alike through
his inspirational musical songs. He encourages each and
every one of us to overcome our disabilities and make the
most of the situation God has given us. Check him out at
www.chrisburke.org
5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE
TO BE?
A Phish show tripping on boom booms and budweiser cans.
6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE
PLACE TO BE?
A Phish show tripping on boom booms and budweiser cans.
7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE
TO BE MASSAGED?
I have to admit, I am a perineum man. I love it when Laotian
masseuses tickle my taint.
8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG
IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Strong in faith....the faith in our Father who art in Heaven,
Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE
MORNING?
I always awake when I have an idea I need to write down.
Like the other day when I had a dream about kicking chickens
and punting pigeons. I envisioned this amusement park for
adults wherein they could let out their aggressions by hurting
creatures. There would be many different exhibits and animals
you could punch and kill. The park would provide long poles
and spears for creatures like giraffes so you can get a
good face jab without jumping.
10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN
APPLIANCE?
The spoon. I am really into spooning.
11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
The world wide lack of respect for little people.
12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The cervix.
13. FAVORITE COLOR?(s)
One night, I drank a twelve pack of Bud Dry and the next
day I pooped a purple like I have never seen before nor
shall ever see again.
14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
I believe in an energy force that exists external to humans,
external to Earth, external to anything and everything we
know or will know. It is the hum of universe, the hum of
nothing, and the sum of all that can and cannot be. Humans
are physical representations of this hum. This is why music
means so much to people. The different tones a human hum
creates, adds to the hum of universe which in turn becomes
nothing and everything that can possibly be. In summary,
mute people have nothing to offer existence and should be
stabbed on sight.
15. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Club International
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Cancer Season.
17. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
Tossing salad.
18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER
POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I've always wished that my nipples were ninja stars and
I secreted glow-in-the-dark glitter snot.
19. DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT
IS IT?
Yes. A six year old lighter burn on my left deltoid confirming
my allegiance to the one and only mecca on Planet Earth:
Enon Ohio.
I've always wanted tattoo vaginas in my armpits so it made
my axillas look like hairy pussy holes.
20. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Who has time to juggle
when we are under Terrorist Alert Yellow color, man?! Prioritize,
fool!
21. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST
YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Jaleel White. I saw Steve Urkel at a party at UCLA back
in '96. He so left me hanging when I tried to give him dap.
It was pretty loud and smoky but I think he purposely dissed
me. Hence, I would like to meet him so I can drown his first
born child with catsup from ketchup packets. My ego is still
trippin', yo.
22. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
The day the music died. The Big Bopper was over-rated. Lou
Diamond Phillips stunk, too. He had to have help when writing
La Bamba.
23. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR
CAR?
Cars are turbo charged coffins. We do not need internal
combustion. The wind and the sun will take us to our destinations.
Drinking from the river should not give you the squirts.
If you own a car, you are a piece of shit. You've been manipulated
into thinking this is the only way you can survive in this
culture. I'm just wired and waiting for the rest of you
boners to figure this out. Your babies are going to have
to live in Bio-Domes. You don't want your children kibitzing
with Pauley Shore, do you Americans?
24. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI
OR HAMBURGER?
I heard germ warfare is all the rage these days.
25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON
CHARACTER?
Theo Huxtable
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