3/25/3 O' Tyson


Mike Tyson is by no means an isolated symbol of American culture. But he is a crystal-clear indicator of a certain sector of our collective consciousness. His sport, boxing, is among the most storied and questionable athletic ventures in our country. It's essential molecules are that the participants can achieve millions by simply mastering a primal and basic human action - pulverizing another human with balled up fists and repeating this process until fame and fortune is bestowed.

Tyson has excelled at this. And at the same time he has been the subject of all-encompassing media attention as his depraved emotions and unruly actions are unleashed with the same fury as his in-ring uppercuts and body blows.

But there is a catch, while sometimes Iron Mike's comments seem to be maniacal, there is, as Shakespeare said, a method to his madness. When not vowing to devour kids or emulating history's great conquers, Tyson occasionally lets slip a strange but true commentary on the social and cultural landscape of our great country and reminds us all that the famed 'melting pot' we treasure so much includes Mike Tyson and those like him.

Below are some of Tyson's greatest hits...

In regards to the media...

"I don't feel love from them because there's no love. They don't know me as an individual, they know me for what I actually do. Because they pay to see me smash anybody. If they're white they pay, (it's) because the only thing they have respect for is my ability as an athlete. But if I was in court and I had to use them to testify against me on my character, they wouldn't testify positively against me and they would think I'm a cad..."

Truer words...

"I think the average person thinks I'm a fucking nut and I deserve whatever happens to me. That's what I believe."
"People (are) going to say what they say. It has to be for a reason. It's just for a reason. I know sometimes I say things; I offend people. I ask this lady a lewd question because I'm in a lot of pain too. I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. And Lewis, I'm trying to give some of that pain to ya'll.
Approaching poetry...
"Sometimes you guys have no pride, so no matter what I say, you guys ... it doesn't affect you because you don't care about nothing but money. So every now and then I kick your fucking ass and stomp on you and put some kind of pain and inflict some of the pain on you because you deserve to feel the pain that I feel.
I wish that you guys had children so I could kick them in the fucking head or stomp on their testicles so you could feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every day."

God bless America...

"I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. (The media) tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way."
Jesus is with you...
"Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even ... They'd throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he's coming back to save us. But they don't understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again."

Indifferent to Pee Wee Herman
"What he did was bizarre, but who am I to be judgmental?"


Resigned to his sins..
"Every religion has a saying about throwing stones in glass houses. I can't throw a sand pebble. I can't spit. Can't even throw an atom at anybody."

They eat kids in Brooklyn?
"We are all a bunch of contradictions. The world I come from, I know people who did eat children, put them in microwaves."

Aproaching prose...
"No, the title doesn't deserve to be treated with respect because the title is like a woman, it's like love. It doesn't care for anything around it but itself. It doesn't care who possesses it, it still receives whatever. It receives the same when I possess it, when he possesses it. It's always going to be love. I'm not going to always be love. The title's going to be love until the day it dies, so it doesn't care about me, you. It's like a woman, fuck you, I'm so beautiful I can get the next man with more money, with a better body. He has a prettier way for me to go around.


The Tyson familiars...
"I like getting high, hanging out with my kids, I like drinking. I like doing other things."

More prose...
"My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah."

Final...
"I don't know, man. I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian."


E-mail Eli: eliasvict@asunderpress.com
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