Sometime between being pushed in
my stroller on a hunt for pinecones and this very moment, I grew
Sometime between then and now, I
ceased to look through the rear-window of my parents Buick Riviera
as dad's Camels flew out the window at 70mph and exploded on the
asphalt at 1:30 in the morning in towns like Amarillo Texas. I can
recall pretending dad's weeds were X-wing fighters exploding in
space after being gunned down in their battle with the evil Galactic
Empire. Now I can only think of why I should quit smoking as my
own camels shatter on the road in my rearveiwmirror.
Sex has become a way to rate a lover
rather than something dreamed of and wondered about. I remember
the first breast I felt and my premier French kiss. Masturbation
has become something to joke about with the guys instead of some
deep, dark secret. Somehow, it is all-different now.
School has been replaced with work
and expulsion means fired. Teachers are now supervisors. The weekend
has become any two days off in a row and there is no summer vacation.
Graduation equals retirement.
My Diamondback Silver-bullet has
become a Honda Prelude and I had to buy insurance for it. Accident
results are no longer skinned knees, now it is multiple fractures.
My body has become something to
care for. I have watched as my stomach grew fat and my face lost
its "little boy look" I wait for my hairline to recede and aches
and pains never before experienced.
The ability to pretend is much weaker
now. I have lost my desire for an adventure. GI Joe has little significance
other than nostalgia. I watched "red Dawn" the other day and it
Death, once strange and mysterious,
is now almost routine. Gone are Thom, Roy and my darling Caroline.
I walked in to get my haircut one day and my barber was deceased.
I do not anymore blow off crippling disease or strokes. I have realized
the fragility of life.
Now, I can look at youth around
me and see beauty instead of wondering what the big deal is. I want
to teach them things and warn them of what lies ahead. I dot because
I didn't listen so why should they?
I am closer to thirty-five than
sixteen and halfway to fifty-two.
I have to find out on my own things
my parents told me years ago.
Life keeps rolling and carrying
me with it...